Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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