i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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