Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
