Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
