I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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