It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
