Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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