so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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