Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
