Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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