your parents love me but you hate me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
