oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize