You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
