Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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