Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
