Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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