Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
