We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was like giving head to a cactus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
