is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
