How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
