Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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