Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
