sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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