Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
