ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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