Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
