Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
