Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
