there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
