I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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