i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
