If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
barbara walters just said penis...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
