I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
