i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
