God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
