also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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