i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
