I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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