The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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