Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nut hugger
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
