I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
