well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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