wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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