I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
