I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
