Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
