i wish there were pregnant emoticons
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
