How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
