There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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