in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
