it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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