What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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