I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
