We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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