guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
