Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
