everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
