What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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