You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
