9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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