is wine microwaveable?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
