Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
