I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
soo... how was my night?
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