Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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