Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
